Rambling Yogi

Category: self love

  • 30 Days of Kindness

    30 Days of Kindness

    Last night I went to an amazing workshop on authenticity run by the simply brilliant Emeli Paulo from Collective Potential. If you’ve never heard of Collective Potential do yourself a favour and check them out. At the start of the workshop we were asked to turn to a stranger and tell them what brought us to the workshop. For me I had started to feel like the authenticity that I had once lived my life with was beginning to fade and I wanted to turn that around.

    I have to admit I was kind of expecting to be lectured about what authenticity is and given steps to living an authentic life. I was so glad that it was nothing like that. It was super interactive and required everyone to talk about their truth; to share their values, their fears, their dreams, their story. It was simply stunning to see how contagious bravery can be. One person gets up and says or does something inspiring and next thing you know some on the other side of the room has something to contribute too.

    The most magical part of the night for me came near the end when I found my truth in someone else’s story. A lady was sharing with the group that she felt like she needed to let go of grief for the loss of her mother. As she spoke I realised how much I had not let myself grieve for the loss of my father. It had been a month since I’d lost my father unexpectedly and I could count on one hand the amount of times I’ve let myself really cry. For decades to me strong has meant putting on a brave face and getting on with things. It has only been in the last year or so that I’ve begun to see the strength in vulnerability. Not giving myself the time and space to sit with my pain and feel what I need to feel was a big part of why I felt like I wasn’t living a very authentic life.

    An idea that really resonated with me about authenticity is that it is about being real not perfect. So how do I get myself to be more real…I knew the answer before I even asked the question. I knew I needed to be kinder to myself, I knew needed to stop expecting so much from myself and I knew I needed to nurture the most important relationship I have, the one I have with myself.

    At the end of the workshop we were asked to set ourselves a challenge for the next 30 days. It was to be something that we could do each day that would allow us to become more authentic.  Straight away I knew that I wanted to set myself a 30 day kindness challenge. To each day do one kind thing for myself.

    I’m starting today by putting an affirmation on the mirror that I stand in front of each day when I brush my teeth.

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    You can follow my 30 days of kindness on my instagram @ckve and use the hash tag #30daysofkindness to share your own little bits of kindness that you give yourself. At the end of my 30 days I’ll post a list of the things that I do for myself.

    Love and Blessings

    xx

  • How much love do you have for yourself

    How much love do you have for yourself

    wpid-70237ad5e9a014dbe3e2ee8249f910dc.jpgHow fiercely have you loved in your life? What would you do for love? Would you move heaven and earth to look after your beloved? Does that same love apply to how you feel about yourself?  What happens when you love your partner more than you love yourself?

    I can’t speak for every situation but I can certainly speak for myself. Those who knew me many moons ago may say that they actually couldn’t imagine me loving anyone else more than I love myself. I used to walk around with a certain self confidence and arrogance that I’m sure left some people thinking that I was pretty damn happy with myself, or at least that’s what I wanted people to think. I had no real concept of how little love I had for myself. At that stage in life self love was something I didn’t understand….sure I had heard the saying you need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else but I never stopped to consider that my behaviour and emotions had little to do with actual circumstances and a lot to do with how I felt about myself.

    We all remember the line for Jerry Mcguire “you complete me”. When I wasn’t good with myself and found myself in that happy honey moon phase I did start to think that all these gaps in my life are getting filled by this amazing human. I remember feeling better about myself from being with him. I was a nicer person to be around and my life made more sense to me. And all of that would have been fine if I was coming from a good place but the problem with thinking like that when you’re not good with yourself is that it creates dependence and attachment. When you start needing you partner to be  for you what you should be for yourself it can get very ugly.

    I started to look to him for my happiness all the time and over time I needed him to be more and more for me. My identity became his girlfriend there wasn’t much that I ever did for me. I completely willingly lost my sense of self. All the things I do for myself now; running, yoga, meditation, massages and other pampering just slowly stopped happening. And it wasn’t that he didn’t want me to do these things, he even bought me a yoga mat and dvd to help encourge me back into yoga (funny how the universe has this way of throwing you little clues about where you should be). But the more dependant I got the more I lost my confidence, I wouldn’t even go to a yoga class, I’d think about it all the time and then get to so stressed and anxious about going on my own that I’d just drop the whole idea.

    Feeling stressed and anxious by the smallest things was nothing new for me at that time, it was something that I had struggled with for years and had often managed to hide from people by avoiding situations or getting defensive and picking fights with people to mask my discomfort. As time went on and my neediness got worse I probably hit my all time worst random anxiety moment, we were going to hire bikes to go for ride and it started happening I couldn’t even tell you exactly what set me off but part of my brain just started to say no don’t do this and rather than being honest (people who don’t love themselves aren’t very big on honesty or vulnerability) and explaining what was going on in my head I decided to start a fight at the bike hire place and declared that I didn’t want to go riding anymore like a small child would, initially he was calm asking what do you mean….this is going to be fun…you were looking forward to this. That was until he realised that he was talking to a little brick wall that had made up her mind and would not listen to sense and he simply told me to stop it and turn away from me and then it was water works. Crying in the middle of this shop and not even knowing why I was so upset was scary, I could see how much I was frustrating him but I still couldn’t bring myself to be honest. Being honest with him meant being honest with myself and admitting that it was a problem that I needed to deal with.

    I think back to one conversation we had a few months out from us going our separate ways a lot. I think about it a lot because my response and in action baffles me. We were both in tears, things were just not working and he said to me I just can’t make you happy, everything I do is not enough and my response was I can’t make me happy too. It blows my mind that my only response would be “me too” and that after that conversation I did not change one solitary thing, I just put my head in the sand and let it get worse.

    When this particular relationship ended a good friend a good friend gave me the relationship advice I have ever been given he told me to spend some time on my own and mend my relationship with myself. Mending my relationship with myself has been the greatest thing I’ve ever done for myself.

  • When you begin to love yourself

    When you begin to love yourself

    If you asked 10 people from completely different cultural backgrounds to define love you would probably get 10 different definitions. Yes of course there would be some common themes running through their definitions but love is going to mean something different to all of us which will mean that how we express that love will also vary.

    For this reason I think that self love is going to vary from person to person as well. There’s no set way to love yourself more. What one person needs to feel love another will see no value in.

    Cultivating self love starts with gaining a deeper understanding of yourself.  Start with asking yourself what beliefs or behaviors work against your definition of love. Maybe it’s negative self talk or abusing your body with excessive alcohol.  Without judgement make a list of things you do and think that are not coming from a place of love.  Can you then gradually begin to let go of these things to create more space for kindness towards yourself (it can feel super liberating to burn a list of things you’d like to let go of, I highly recommend letting this one burn).

    To keep things balanced also create a list of the things that you can do to practice self love. Ask yourself what makes you feel special,  at peace or exuberant. Maybe it’s getting a massage, being in nature or going for a run. Keep this list somewhere that you can see it and make it a priority to make time for the things that speak to your soul.

    This beautiful poem by Charlie Chaplin beautifully articulates the magic and realisation that can begin to happen when you love yourself.

    As I Began to Love Myself
    by Charlie Chaplin

    As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is “AUTHENTICITY”.

    As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody As I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call it “RESPECT”.

    As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call it “MATURITY”.

    As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call it “SELF-CONFIDENCE”.

    As I began to love myself I quit steeling my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call it “SIMPLICITY”.

    As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is “LOVE OF ONESELF”.

    As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is “MODESTY”.

    As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worry about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where EVERYTHING is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it “FULFILLMENT”.

    As I began to love myself I recognised that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But As I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection “WISDOM OF THE HEART”.

    We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing new worlds are born. Today I know THAT IS “LIFE”!

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  • Yoga Teacher Training – week 1 Ahimsa – Nonviolence

    Yoga Teacher Training – week 1 Ahimsa – Nonviolence

    If I were to ask you how often you behaved violently what would be your answer?

    Violence is often associated with psychically hurting another person but what if I expanded the definition of violence to be behaving in a way that is not kind to others or yourself.

    Once you start exploring the ways that you are unkind you can start to become aware of your own personal patterns you can begin to treat yourself and others with more kindness and compassion.

    Here are some if the ways that we practice violence.

    Negative self talk – How often are you your biggest critic? Do you beat yourself up about mistakes or tell yourself you’re not good enough in same way? Our inner monolog can really set the tone for how we experience our lives. Be careful with how you talk to yourself. Stop and ask yourself am I coming from a place of kindness?

    Unkind words to others or about others – Do your words hurt others? Either directly (to their face) or indirectly (gossip) Always stop to consider what your intentions are before you speak. Your words should be kind and honest even when they are strong and direct.

    Your relationship with food – Do you stop to consider how the food you put in your body is nourishing you? It’s violence towards yourself to continually over indulge or starve yourself. Love yourself enough to really care about what you eat.

    Expecting too much from yourself – We like to set goals and challenges for ourselves which is great, it keeps us moving forward but when we only focus on the steps necessary to achieve the goal and stop being open and present to the journey we not only don’t get to experience the beauty of the journey but we may push beyond our tipping point. Pushing yourself without stopping to listen to your body is what causes sickness and injury. It’s our body’s way of forcing us to slow down.  Be mindful of the effect working too hard in the gym or the office has on your body.

    Lack of balance  –  When you over commit yourself and don’t allow enough time to recharge you may burnout or become short with others.  Balance is going to be different for everyone and so you will need to tune in and ask yourself what do I need to create balance in my life…maybe it’s having healthy meals,  spending in nature, getting “me” time, getting enough sleep, finding time for meditation,  having social media free days, getting a massage, making time for exercise or even clearing out the clutter in your life it’s important to know what you need and make time for it.

    We’re never going to be able to be completely nonviolent in all of our words and actions all of the time but we can be more conscious of our personal patterns and make small positive changes in our lives for the benefit of all.

    Namaste
    Xxxx

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    My soul honors your soul. I honor the place in you where the entire universe resides. I honor the light, love, truth, beauty & peace within you, because it is also within me. In sharing these things we are united, we are the same, we are one.